I Forgive You Fela

tim163

Fela,

I don’t even know if you’re still alive. If you are, I hope somehow this message reaches you.

When you wouldn’t defend me to your father 15 years ago, that was a real betrayal. I did come to understand why you had to do it. I forgave you. I have always hoped for the best for you. I wrote about you on this blog. http://dearezraandlian.com/2015/08/29/the-jeep-ride-that-changed-your-lives-before-you-were-even-born/ You probably didn’t realize it, but you had a big impact on my life, even till now.

I’m going to make public, information you revealed to me all those years ago. That means, if anyone ever talks to you about it, you will have to betray me again. I fully expect you to deny everything. For the sake of your financial future and your personal safety, I understand why you will feel the need to do this. I’ve already forgiven you in advance. If you are going to do this, do it quickly. You know your life is in danger until you publicly disavow my testimony.

When last I left you, you were haunted by the secrets you felt you were forced to keep. You couldn’t live with the lies all around you. The hypocrisy of government and church leaders made you very cynical. You swam in a cesspool of crime and corruption. You found solace in lots of alcohol. That helped to end your marriage and meant your son lived with his mother. Was it worth it?

Your secrets became my secrets. The lies all around me in Mizoram drove me to work myself to the breaking point. I tried to pay the poor farmers and villagers back; especially during mautam. My efforts to clear my conscience failed and my marriage ended as well.

Thankfully, my children live with me, but I can say the secrets weren’t worth keeping. If you read the comments on Facebook or Youtube regarding my blog, it will encourage you to believe lying is the best way forward. What good can be gained by openly telling the ugly truth?

Fela, the truth will set you free. You may go to jail, but you will have a clear conscience. You can look your children in the eyes and not be ashamed. You may lose many things, but most importantly you will lose the chains that bind your spirit.

You know I can’t write about Chief Minister Lal Thanhawla, unless I also write about your father, former Chief Secretary, Lalkhama. I can’t write about your dad, unless I write about you.

I miss all that time we spent together. Good food. Great conversations. I hope you can forgive me. I’m not trying to harm you. I hope you join me and my kids as we march to freedom.

I love you man.

Tim