I recently asked a young woman out. She turned me down, and then I asked her why. This was her response.

“Dear Ezra and Lian,

I recently asked a young woman out. She turned me down, and then I asked her why. This was her response.

“Honestly, the thing I need from a man is that he draws me out.
Ask questions. Open ended questions. The way to make a good woman feel safe and warm and cared for is to show genuine interest in her, her choice of music, her laugh, her choice of earrings literally, her humour, her prayers, her hurts and criticisms….be willing (at the right time) to step into her life, even her struggles.
I was hoping you would concentrate on me….as I hope from most men….but every man just rambles on about his life and what he wants. You made a lot of statements in your writing…about your past. I understand you were trying to be open and honest with me…but maybe I don’t care about your past or your mistakes. Maybe I just want to be loved for who I am, and accepted. And heard. One way to move on is to dwell in the present. That way a woman knows you are emotionally and mentally ready to give her what she needs.
As a man is gifted to be the leader, so he sets the tone and example from the beginning. A good woman will follow that lead, and give back exponentially once she sees what the man is giving. This is not my “selfish” desire, this is what I see between God and Israel, Jesus and His Church, Jacob and Rachael, Ruth and Boaz, Mary and Joseph, and an amazing aunt and uncle of mine.
Hope this helps. God is very faithful. Read Romans 8.”

And then she dropped the mic. Boom.Although I hope it is many, many years before you start dating, I hope you remember this and read it before you begin. Lian, I pray you always keep this expectation and never lower it for anyone. I hope every young man gives you the respect and attention you deserve. Ezra, it takes a lifetime to learn how to be an active listener. You can only do it with years of practice. I hope that I can model this for you both. Even though Lian is only 5, when she asks you “What did you learn at school today, Ezra?” or asks me “How was your day, Daddy?” and then when we are done only saying “Ok.” It is time. It’s time to turn off the radio, close the computer, silence the phone and look Lian in the eye. It’s our invitation to ask Lian those very same questions. Then we listen to her and let her know that we care for her and love her. When she pours out her heart to us, it is not a burden, it is success. It is what we were made for.
Since Mommy left, I’ve gotten really used to a lot of women telling me how amazing I am. The truth is I have got lazy and self-centred while communicating. I have become accustomed to giving answers, and not asking questions; talking and not listening; writing and not reading. I’ve become a bit of a jerk in this regard.

No more. I’m going to be the man I once was. The person I want you to become.Love,
Dad”