“Dear Ezra and Lian,
I recently asked a young woman out. She turned me down, and then I asked her why. This was her response.
“Honestly, the thing I need from a man is that he draws me out.
Ask questions. Open ended questions. The way to make a good woman feel safe and warm and cared for is to show genuine interest in her, her choice of music, her laugh, her choice of earrings literally, her humour, her prayers, her hurts and criticisms….be willing (at the right time) to step into her life, even her struggles.
I was hoping you would concentrate on me….as I hope from most men….but every man just rambles on about his life and what he wants. You made a lot of statements in your writing…about your past. I understand you were trying to be open and honest with me…but maybe I don’t care about your past or your mistakes. Maybe I just want to be loved for who I am, and accepted. And heard. One way to move on is to dwell in the present. That way a woman knows you are emotionally and mentally ready to give her what she needs.
As a man is gifted to be the leader, so he sets the tone and example from the beginning. A good woman will follow that lead, and give back exponentially once she sees what the man is giving. This is not my “selfish” desire, this is what I see between God and Israel, Jesus and His Church, Jacob and Rachael, Ruth and Boaz, Mary and Joseph, and an amazing aunt and uncle of mine.
Hope this helps. God is very faithful. Read Romans 8.”
Since Mommy left, I’ve gotten really used to a lot of women telling me how amazing I am. The truth is I have got lazy and self-centred while communicating. I have become accustomed to giving answers, and not asking questions; talking and not listening; writing and not reading. I’ve become a bit of a jerk in this regard.