Dear Lian


Dear Lian,

I still have so many stories to share. However, I do have some regrets about making my letters to you public. One of those regrets, is making some of my dating life public. Ezra and I have talked about this a fair bit. Potentially it would affect you both a lot. He wants to make sure whatever happens, that it is going to make our life together better. He really likes to look after those he loves. As much as possible, he doesn’t want to see bad stuff happen to us. You probably will not remember this when you are older. Last summer you broke your tooth at the circus. Ezra almost had a meltdown. He screamed, “Why is bad stuff always happening to us?!?” You will never know how much he has cared for you. Behind the scenes when you are not looking or paying attention, he has taken great care of you. He loves you a lot. He is looking out for you and will probably do so, his whole life. He really is making sure any potential step-mom you get, is top-notch.

Ezra is pretty keen to see me happy as well. He is really sure I need a good girlfriend who can become my wife. (I’m a lot less sure about that.) He has a lot of company in this regard. So when I broke up with my girlfriend a couple weeks ago, we had a long talk about it. He thought she was one in a million. He really liked her and thought we were perfect for each other. To break up with someone that you love a lot, is a heart-wrenching experience, there is no way around that. This adult world is very complicated and I hope you stay kids for a long time. There are no good explanations for the behaviour of adults. We meet new people. We find them very interesting and compatible. We fall in love with them sooner than we should and more often than not, we realize we can’t continue the relationship. For one of a thousand different reasons, we can’t move forward with them. Almost for sure, this is going to happen with you in your life. I wish it wasn’t so.

In a perfect world, you would never see your Dad dating or meeting new kids who might become your step brother and sister. I thought I had totally managed to avoid all this. Mommy was the first and only girlfriend I ever had. I thought you she fell from heaven right into my life. “Haha…see world, I don’t have to date to find the right person to marry.” I have no practice or skills in asking women out on dates, being in “relationships” or breaking up. I’m learning things almost everybody else learns in North America in their teens and twenties, when they are single. It is not easy when you are a 43 year old single dad. Most everyone just assumes I will know what to do and do the right thing. That isn’t true at all.
Inevitably, like everything else in life, we learn best my making mistakes. No Dad wants to see their kid make mistakes. No kid wants to see their Dad make mistakes. When you get to dating, I know I’m going to be over-protective. You will have it doubly worse because your older brother will be just as protective. Any potential suitor is going to be scared out of his mind, coming to my front door to pick you up for a date. Despite this I now know, that more than my protection, you are going to need a listening ear and a compassionate heart from me. I’m a really good listener, I really am. I won’t try to fix your problems or beat up your ex-boyfriends unless you ask me to. I will simply stand beside you while you try to figure out life and love. I hate to see you cry, but you can always cry on my shoulder and I won’t tell you what you did wrong. I will give you a hug and only if you ask for it, I will give you any advice from whatever I am learning now.When you become a young woman, I want you to pull this letter out. You can remind me that I promised you all this.